Overcoming the Feeling of Failing as a Parent — Talkspace

Identifying the Roots of Your Self-Doubt

Before addressing parental failure, it may be useful to discover the roots of your self-doubt, together with the pervasive feeling of mother guilt. Lack of confidence can come from societal stress, social media, evaluating your self to different mother and father, previous experiences, and a lot extra.  

When you perceive the place your emotions of inadequacy are coming from, you’ll be able to take steps to beat them.

Understanding societal pressures and expectations

Society typically locations unhealthy, even unachievable, requirements on what it means to be a “good” father or mother. The expectations could be overwhelming, leaving you feeling like you might be falling brief and are a unhealthy father or mother. From parenting kinds to well being selections to training decisions, societal pressures can considerably and negatively influence the way you view your self as a father or mother.

The influence of social media on parenting notion

We typically hear about the dangerous results of social media on teenagers, however not often will we discuss what it’s doing to oldsters. Social media could be a supply of assist and data, however it additionally creates an unrealistic portrayal of parenthood and could be detrimental to psychological well being, resulting in damaging emotions. 

Those curated, good snapshots of household life go away many mother and father questioning their parenting expertise, setting, and talents. Research on social media exhibits it creates self-doubt and a rise in stress, distraction, and despair in mother and father.

Comparing your self to different mother and father

You don’t want social media to check your self to different mother and father—it’s straightforward sufficient to do by yourself. Comparison is a pure human tendency, and it may well even be wholesome in some methods. That mentioned, it may well additionally turn into detrimental to your sense of self and trigger you to suppose that you just’re a parenting failure. 

Developing a behavior of observing different mother and father who seemingly have all of it collectively can exacerbate emotions of inadequacy. Remember that everybody’s parenting journey is exclusive, and issues will not be at all times as they appear. What you see at the park isn’t at all times what’s happening behind closed doorways.

Personal previous experiences influencing your parenting

Past experiences and upbringing can influence your parenting model and vanity. Negative experiences, unresolved points, or trauma out of your childhood can contribute to how you are feeling about your self as a father or mother and add to self-doubt about the job you’re doing. 

In research, previous trauma that results in disgrace and self-doubt could make some mother and father anxious and insecure about the decisions they make for his or her kids.  

“Views on parenting are changing with the times. In the past, parents would make decisions because of past experiences or the ways they were parented themselves. It’s important to note that the ways we were parented were not always correct, and making changes that are better for your family is acceptable. Just because it was done to us does not mean that the practice must continue.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW