Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder: A Mother’s Insight

In the past, I often found myself explaining my son’s eating habits to family and friends by saying, “He’s just a picky eater.” I would reassure myself with the belief that “I’m sure he’ll grow out of it.” However, as a parent, I felt a lingering sense of concern and embarrassment each time he turned down various foods, particularly when he constantly asked for chicken nuggets on the way home from outings.

When people expressed surprise over his refusal to eat meat, I would simply say, “He just is very sensitive to textures.” I often felt judged whenever they noticed the limited variety on his plate, responding, “He’s very particular—I don’t get it, but he’s still growing, so I guess it’s fine.” These interactions made me question my abilities as a mother, especially when I saw him rejecting meals.

However, everything changed two years ago when I received an autism diagnosis myself, leading me to realize that my son likely shared this condition. This revelation prompted me to delve into the complexities of Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), a condition that is frequently observed among autistic individuals. Understanding this disorder has been crucial in redefining my perspective on my son’s eating habits.

Unlike traditional eating disorders, ARFID does not stem from a desire for thinness or body image issues. Instead, it is characterized by challenges that arise from various factors such as sensory sensitivities, fears, or simply a lack of interest in food altogether. ARFID can be categorized into three distinct types, each reflecting different underlying issues related to food consumption:

1. Sensory-based ARFID occurs when individuals struggle with the textures, tastes, colors, or smells of food due to heightened sensory sensitivities. My son exemplifies this type, as his diet tends to be quite bland and lacks vibrancy.
2. Fear-based ARFID involves an aversion to eating due to fears of choking, vomiting, or experiencing other unpleasant sensations associated with food consumption. This fear can create significant barriers to a healthy diet.
3. Lack-of-interest ARFID describes individuals who simply do not engage with food. This may stem from not recognizing their body’s hunger signals, leading to a disinterest in eating altogether.

As I’ve gained a clearer understanding of ARFID, I’ve eased up on the pressure to force my son to try new foods or adopt a diet similar to others. Instead, I have focused on researching how he can maintain a nutritionally balanced diet without triggering his sensory issues. I am actively seeking out nutritionists knowledgeable about ARFID to support us in ensuring he remains healthy while respecting his unique challenges.

A significant part of this journey has been advocating for my son’s needs and helping others understand that he is not merely a picky eater; his situation is an actual eating disorder. I often face challenges with family members who, despite my requests, continue to pressure him at mealtimes. It can be frustrating to explain that when I suggest menu items to my 18-year-old son at restaurants, it’s not about babying him, but rather accommodating his specific eating challenges.

As a mother, I experience deep frustration and even shame, especially when others judge my parenting based on my child’s eating habits. I often wish I could shout that this isn’t a personal failing of mine or my son’s; he is dealing with an eating disorder! At the same time, I want to honor his privacy, allowing him to choose who to share his experiences with and when.

While it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to be fully educated on every eating disorder, what we can all strive for is to refrain from commenting on the eating habits, diets, and weights of others. Often, there is much more beneath the surface that we may not understand, and such comments can be unnecessary and hurtful.

Kristen Abell is director of website and digital projects, writer, and advocate for mental health and neurodivergence.